So NOT A Fairytale
by ShadowBluebell
Summary: AU. Kagome had a plan: Inuyasha’s the prince, Kikyo’s the princess, and she’s the matchmaker. Yes, she had it all figured out…except the matchmaker ends up making the prince attracted to HER instead of the princess. Not. Good. KagInu
1. The PLAN

* * *

**AN: **I snapped. I got sick of cliché romantic comedies. It's going to be a BUTT-kicking, NUT-crunching romantic comedy, dammit! 

**Disclaimer: **The Inuyasha characters do not belong to me. The crazy idea, however, is my own. HA! I WIN!

**

* * *

**

**So NOT A Fairytale**

The PLAN

* * *

I was sick of it. 

I was _abso-effing-lutely_ sick of it.

Let me start from the beginning…

I am Higurashi Kagome, or Kagome Higurashi to you lovable westerners, and I am the illegitimate half-sister of Princess Kikyo Higurashi and Princess Kaede Higurashi.

Before you start pitying me (or insulting me, whichever suits you, bub) I have to make it clear that it's not all that terrible. Except for all the sneers and snide remarks, I get the royal benefits and the unconditional love of my half-siblings. Did I also mention they cover dental and mental healthcare? Plus, I wasn't alone in this. I also have a little brother, Souta, who's just as illegitimate as I am.

Except he was born a boy.

And the King, Kikyo and Kaede's father, actually PAID his wife's lover, me and Souta's dad, because he wanted to call Souta his own. Apparently a male heir was worth more than a real relationship.

Seriously. Kings these days…

Anyhow, Souta ended up becoming the crown prince of this kingdom and Kikyo and Kaede became his "official" siblings. Everyone knew I was related to all of them, but I still ended up becoming their personal servant.

Eh. Oh well.

Things went swimmingly till my 15th birthday (goodbye inner child, hello libido). Kikyo's two years older than me, so she was 17 when she met…the creepy, freaky Naraku Onigumo. I don't know why she let him court her—personally I think it was out of pity. Anyhow, she realized he was just plain weird and made sure her father knew she had no intentions of marrying the creep.

He didn't stop courting her, though. He was…a bit out of it. He kept coming to our castle, and I'd have to come up with clever excuses my grandfather would normally come up with when he had to go to meetings. Souta and Kaede disliked the weirdo as much or more than I did, so I wasn't alone in my suspicions when Kikyo suddenly developed mysterious bruises on her arms.

Kikyo is a proud woman, you know, so she'd never admit to a stalker taking advantage of her…but really, the signs were there. She couldn't sleep at night, couldn't eat well, couldn't concentrate at all… but dammit her pride forced her to refuse any help.

I was sick of it.

SICK OF IT.

That was when I decided.

She needed a prince.

FAST!

And voila! I found the King's list.

Being the personal servant of the crown prince and princesses meant I was allowed access to all of the rooms. So when I went into the King's office as casually as I did every other day, I had no qualms over shuffling through his drawers.

And that's when I found the list. The list of Kikyo's potential suitors. Who was at the top of the list, you ask?

Inuyasha Taisho. Half-demon and second to the throne of the west.

Kikyo was the princess of the east. West was the strongest and largest kingdom of them all. East meets west—the perfect alliance.

Inuyasha…yes, I'd heard rumors about the guy. He was overly protective and hot tempered. I couldn't really see 17-year old Kikyo with 15-year old Inuyasha, but he was a half-demon and Kikyo had a soft spot for them Halflings; after all, Naraku was a half-demon and she'd given him a chance.

_Overly protective…_

Kikyo would never admit it, but she needed that right now.

And I mean RIGHT NOW.

I grinned.

I knew exactly what I had to do.

* * *

**AN: **Click. Review. You know you want to. 


	2. The STALKER

**AN: **...what? Go. Read.

* * *

The STALKER

I woke up with a start the next morning.

"AHHHHHHHH! EVIL MONKEYS!"

…I did say I woke up with a _start_.

I got out of my cot and dressed into my better servant clothes—the one with the tight corset. Yes, I would be attending to the guests today, for it was Kikyo's birthday and anyone who was anyone would be present at the ceremony. I walked down the servant's corridor with a hand running through my messy hair.

I grinned.

Operation MATCHMAKER has be—

"Kagome, KAGOME!"

Scratch that.

Souta came running down the spiral staircase with his red cape clumsily buckled to his shoulders. Some of the servants froze, bowed and resumed whatever they were doing after shooting an icy glare my way. Jealous much?

"Kagome, I saw," he looked around to make sure no one was eavesdropping, "HIM outside my window."

One of my brows twitched. Of all the days to…

"I'm on it General," I saluted and turned to the west gate. Why the west gate? Because HE always stood there.

"I'll get the attack dogs ready!" Souta called.

I grinned. The thought of those sadistic pit-bulls shredding HIM to pieces made me quiver in delight. (Am I sadistic? Be honest.)

I walked out the front doors and trotted down the marble steps. The guards at the doors spared a glance before shifting back in position; I have certain privileges, as I've said before, so the guards ignored the fact that I used the main door AND the servant door. I ignored the evil glares the gardeners were giving me since I was too busy wondering why my corset had to be so…damn…TIGHT.

As Kaede once so delicately informed me, "If your dress was any tighter your bosom will fall out."

…yeah. Funny, funny girl.

Then I saw him.

There by the west gate stood a man in regal robes that was much like the King's but of cheaper quality. Naraku, the stalker, was a noble. He lived just on the outskirts of the kingdom and his property was known for its suspicious mist and mysterious forest-dwellers. He had guts, I give him that much. He stood in front of the gate as if he was actually invited. Well, today he couldn't enter without an official invitation and I _know_ he hadn't received one—yours truly and the little twerps (Souta and Kaede) had made sure of that.

Hint: Can you say mailing sabotage?

I'm so deliciously evil.

"Sir," I said with a mocking grin. "If you have an invitation you need to enter through the main gates."

Naraku turned to face me with his piercing red eyes. Even though I knew the black bars of the gate separated us I felt a chill travel down my spine. For some reason "Evil Monkey" came to mind.

"If?" He drawled. "Why, you talk as if you already know, my dear Kagome."

Yuck! He said my name! I dropped my grin and hissed, "You listen and you listen well, your bastard-ness. Leave Kikyo alone and I _might _not send the attack dogs on your arrogant behind. She made it quite clear, **painfully **clear, actually, that she never wanted to see your ugly face."

Neither of us noticed that we had garnered the attention of the occupants of a certain carriage.

Naraku sneered. "You have a lot of nerve speaking like that. You better remember to stay in your place and bite your tongue."

I sneered back. "I may be a servant but I am still family to the heir of this kingdom. Try as you might, they will never behead me for treason or whatever else you will make up and claim…and I _know_ you will." I hissed and leaned in to jab his chest.

He suddenly shot a hand through the bars and grabbed a lock of my hair. Dammit, why did I have to push my luck? "When I am the King of the East you will be the first to feel the axe. I will guarantee it." He said it so sweetly I felt my ears burn.

"YOU WILL NEVER BE KING!" I screeched, just about losing it (…OK, so I DID lose it). "HOW **DARE** YOU MAKE SUCH BARBARIC CLAIMS—IF I HAD LONGER HEELS I'D STICK THEM UP YOUR SCRAWNY LITTLE A—"

_"Is there a problem, miss?"_ A very loud, demanding voice boomed.

We both froze and paled, not realizing we had an audience. I stepped aside and Naraku turned around so we both saw the expensive carriage parked on the private street, the deserted street exclusive to traveling royalty. I quietly smacked my forehead.

A silver head popped out of the window. "Miss?"

I quickly waved with a forced smile. "No, no. I apologize, we were…rehearsing. Isn't that," I looked to find Naraku already gone, "effing coward…"

"What?"

I slowly backed away. "Nothing, nothing!" And then I bowed lowed and skedaddled.

It wasn't until forty minutes later did I realize who I had talked to.

I pictured my loud confrontation with Naraku and the expensive carriage. And then the silver head…with something on his head.

Animal ears.

I dropped the laundry I was holding and passing servants shot dirty looks.

"HOLY CRAP!"

…yeah. Talk about delayed reaction.

* * *

**AN: **...what? Go. Review.


	3. The PARTY

The PARTY 

I got ready. And that was an understatement…

"Everyone," I yelled. " BATTLE STATION!" 

"YES SIR!"

…could've done without the "Sir," but beggars can't be choosers. You see, the servants we managed to rope into the Grand Hall (Souta and Kaede actually used lassos…I love those kids) finally found what little respect they could conjure for me when I told them about my plan.

Elimination Stalker. Bwa, ha, ha, ha, ha…

"Although the Princes would be against this idea," Kaede said.

"This is for her wellbeing." Souta ended.

"Plus the white monkey needs to get what's coming to him!" I added.

There were murmurs of agreement.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was how we came to a temporary truce. We were all doing it for the Princess. Kagome the Matchmaker at your service! Ooh, that has a nice ring to it.

"Kagome," Kaede whispered as she passed. "Dog Face has entered the building."

Maybe we should've come up with a kinder codename for the Prince…

I quickly made my way to the new arrivals. There was the King, the (step) Queen, the First Prince, a little servant girl, the Prince…oh, and the resident priest in the back. "Would you like me to take your coats?"

"Oh," the Queen said softly. "Thank you."

As I collected the coats I heard the Queen mutter to the priest, "The servants here are most presentable."

"Most presentable indeed," the priest said with a suggestive tone only teens could understand. I quickly shuffled away, disturbed. I walked past a couple of guards and spotted a familiar face. She was one of the nicer faces, plus it helped that she liked me and happened to be the daughter of the head guard.

"Pssst, Sango!"

She didn't hear me. I threw my shoe at her.

"Ow!"

"Sango, give me my shoe!" I snickered.

She came over and tapped my head with my shoe. "What was that for?"

"Pervert at nine o'clock. Watch out for his leers."

"Oh, gotcha." She nodded understandably. She gave me my shoe and left with her father and brother. Must be nice to have a family like…

Wait, I can't daydream now! I shuffled away to the nearest closet, dumped the coats on one of the older servants, and rushed back to the party.

Aha! The Prince…crap, he's talking to someone at the buffet table. Princess Yura…damnation. She better not use that weird hair trick and force him into a dark room…

Ooh, he's alone!

I skittered to the Prince's side without anyone noticing me, like a little cute mouse, and appeared beside him with an adorable, "Would you like a drink?"

"GAH!" He whirled around and nearly choked on the shrimp he was feasting on. "Don't do that!" He whispered, regaining his composure.

"Sorry sir," I mumbled, embarrassed. "I tend to be…sneaky."

"No, really?" He looked me over. "Wait, aren't you that girl from earlier?"

"The coat taker."

"No, you were yelling at the white baboon guy…"

"Oh…no…you see, that was a…misunderstanding." Please don't look at my shifty eyes.

"…right…" He looked me over again. "You are…"

"A servant."

"No, your name."

Why would he be interested? "…it's Kagome. Sir."

"Well, Kagome, please refrain from sneaking up on me again and resist the irrepressible urge to tweak my ears." I'll never be sure if he was being sarcastic or serious.

"…of course. You highness."

"What?"

"Your majesty."

"Eh?"

"My liege." I smiled. "Have you seen Lady Kikyou yet?"

"…are you bipolar?"

"No, and I am also quite sane!" I beamed. "Now, about Princess Kikyou…"

He repressed a smirk. "You said Lady Kikyou."

"Same thing. Anyhow, have you seen the Princess in person?"

He played along, for once. "No, only in paintings. In fact, she somewhat resembles your ugly mug."

I mocking gawked. "The Princess is not ugly!"

"No, no, I only suggested that she has all your fine qualities but not your faults."

My left eye involuntarily twitched by my smile stayed in place. "And, pray tell, what are my faults, sir?"

"Well," he stroked his chin. "You are quite talkative for a servant, unbelievably sneaky, suspiciously conniving, and lazy at that."

"Lazy?"

He leaned down and invaded my personal space. "You haven't gotten my drink yet." He smiled innocently enough, almost mockingly really.

"You haven't ordered any." I countered with an equally mocking smile.

"Apple juice."

…? "Apple…juice. Right. I'll be right on it."

I left, puzzled and disturbed even more. Somewhere in the distance I heard someone yell "Hentai!" and a slap follow. Sango apparently met the priest.

"So?" Kaede found me out. "How is he?"

I licked my bottom lip. "Very confrontational. Mocking…but he's the protective type." I shrugged. "I'll find his real personality yet. By the way, where's Kikyou?"

"What do you mean?" Kaede frowned. "Kikyou won't appear until the third day of the celebration. It's tradition."

"…and I was out of the loop because?" I never got the answer to that.

Sighing, I came back with the requested drink and found Inuyasha in the presence of…oh crap.

"I expected a little better from a Taisho." Kagura studied me as I approached. "A servant, even if she is related to royalty, is no proper companion…"

Inuyasha looked at me, quizzically. "Related to royalty? Well, that's interesting…"

I bowed to Kagura. "Ma'am, I did not realize you would be attending."

"It was an order by my master…" she trailed off and left, looking bitter as always at the mention of the white baboon. I could sympathize with her.

"She always had a thing for gorgeous Sesshomaru," Inuyasha commented idly before taking the glass out of my hands without so much as asking. "You actually got apple juice. I'm impressed."

"We have every kind of refreshments in the world. You name it, we got it." I said, like an advertisement.

"Do you have white wine?" He asked, leaning back on the table and smirking. He actually set his cup down without even taking a sip.

"I could ask the cellar keeper. I'm underage so I wouldn't…know. Sir." I realized then that I hadn't been speaking like a servant. I was chitchatting with the freakin' Prince, for crying out loud! "Would you like to meet the Princess?"

His smirk disappeared. "They're all the same. Annoying, whiny, shallow, superficial…"

"Well, I assure you Lady Kikyou is quite the opposite." I said with pride. "She is elegant, intelligent, benevolent, nurturing…"

He scoffed. "You say that because you're related to her."

I wanted to challenge that but no answer came to mind.

"If what the word around here is right she's also cold, calculating, serious, and very proper."

"Well, yes but that's because she takes her duty as a Princess seriously."

"I'd like MY Princess to be lively. Unconventional, interesting…" He looked at me. "But I suppose I could do with the company of a mere servant."

…what?

"Excuse me, my father needs me." He said and left, though not without squeezing my shoulder first.

I stood there, dumbfounded, for a very long time. He liked servants better than princesses? What is he, CRAZY? Oh crap, if he's such a princess-hater this plan is _NOT_ going to—no, I can't think like that. I **WILL** make him like her, dammit.

He is going to like her, whether the plan kills me or not.

* * *

**AN: **I'm back and hungrier than ever. Feed me with reviews, nourish me, revitalize meeeeeee! 


	4. The PROBLEM

The PROBLEM 

"You wanted to see me, Princess?" I entered Kikyou's room wearily. I know she's my half-sister and all, but she had this…aura about her.

"Please sit down, Kagome."

I did.

Kikyou spoke as she looked out the window, whimsically. See? This is the side of Kikyou she never lets anyone but her siblings see. Maybe if she wasn't a Princess people would like her better…

"I understand you have met some of the Princes."

I nodded then realized she wasn't looking at me. "Yes, Princess."

"Are they as conceited as I've heard?"

Ooh, she's got a sarcastic streak. "Some…mostly. There are few exceptions."

"Please go on."

How polite of her. "There is a nobleman's son…he isn't a prince but his mother was a princess. He is from the Hojo clan. I think his names was Akitoki…he's very kind. He plans to be a doctor. Then there is the Prince of Wolves. Kouga was his name. He is very…passionate."

"Oh?"

"Yes…when he wanted to dance he danced for hours. When he wanted someone's attention he vied for their envy." I knew it because he kept on following me around. I didn't think people could be so annoying, but there he was. "Then there are the two Princes of the Dog Clan. The older half-brother did not speak very much. Even Lady Kagura could not get him to say more than five words at a time."

I think Kikyou smiled. "Really now."

"Yes, but Inu—Prince Inuyasha is most talkative. He also likes apple juice. I think."

"Is he as violent as they say?"

"He is…changeable."

"Changeable?"

"Temperamental."

"Ah."

"Friendly, though."

"I see." She paused. "Did you mention Kagura was present?"

"Yes."

"Was her master there as well?"

Yeah right. "I'm afraid he was…delayed."

Another pause. "Of course. You may leave."

"Thank you Princess."

--

"Princess-hater?" Souta cried.

"I know!" I moaned. "He prefers servants over princesses!" Kaede stared at me oddly, which I didn't notice then.

"Was Kikyou interested in him?"

"Sort of. I'm pretty sure she was."

"What are we going to do?"

"I don't know. We have to keep him interested in Kikyou and vice versa."

"You shouldn't go see him."

"What?" Both Souta and I looked at Kaede.

"You said he preferred servants. He's going to prefer you more than Kikyou if you keep talking to him."

I frowned. "O…K…"

"Just hang around the balcony. Souta and I'll distract him with Kikyou's awards and paintings…"

Somehow I had a feeling this wasn't going to work.

--

It didn't.

I spent the good first part of the second day of the celebration running away from Kouga. What was it with princes and servants these days? I finally managed to get away from Kouga by pointing him over to the Princess of the White Mountain Wolf Tribes. I knew the green-eyed girl had a thing for him, so I said she wanted to speak to him about territorial disputes.

I'm so sneaky.

I went over to the balcony…and lo and behold, HE was there. No, not who you were thinking.

"Oh…you." I growled. "What are you doing here?"

Naraku sneered. "I may not have gotten an invitation but Kanna has."

"There's a reason why we invited your underlings and not you."

"Aren't you supposed to use my title, little girl?"

Little GIRL? "Oh, let me guess, your title as in ugly-squirrel-sucking-white-baboon-as—"

"I hope I am not interrupting."

The two of us whirled around to see…

"Prince Sesshomaru." Naraku bowed. "I am glad you are speaking again. I was worried after what I heard from yesterday."

"The day you were suspiciously absent, you mean."

"I had been…delayed." He sent an icy glare. "If you'll excuse me…" He left without another word. Sesshomaru looked at me, not quite interested but clearly bemused, and left as well.

"Yo."

The day was getting weirder and weirder. "Hello Lady Kagura."

"Someone's looking for you." She warned. She looked at me with those unnerving red eyes, as if what she said was supposed to have a second meaning, and left as strangely as rest of them had.

…bunch of weirdoes, really.

"Well if it isn't the little maid."

I snapped my attention to Inuyasha. It was bound to happen, honestly. "Was someone looking for me?"

Inuyasha blinked. "Actually, some bozo from the Hojo clan wanted to give you a rash ointment…"

I stared. "WHAT? Why?"

He shrugged. "I guess you must have a rash on your as—"

"LA, LA, LA, I've heard enough!"

"He, he, he," He sniggered. "You're popular with the princes. You must be experienced."

"Experienced?"

"Oh don't play around. You're the flirt extraordinaire. Every prince in there's talking about the _servant_."

"…" Oh. Hell. No. "WHAT?" Now everyone's going to think I'm some…servant-prince-player! NOOOOOO! No, no, no, this isn't happening, this is Kikyou's freakin' birthday bash!

"I said—"

"I heard you, I heard you!" I groaned. That was when I lost all feelings in my legs. I leaned on the ledge of the balcony for support. The castle servants didn't like me already. Now what are they going to think of me? They'll call me a slut. A sick little…GAH! This isn't happening!

"Are you OK?" Inuyasha leaned in to look at my face.

My mind was whirling. I couldn't think straight. _Someone's looking for you._ So Kagura did mean something else. Kaede was right to send me to the balcony. Wait…what if Naraku managed to get this piece of information? Oh crud! He'll TOTALLY use it against me!

"Hey," he poked my shoulder. "You look pale."

"I…" I inhaled. I exhaled. I inhaled. I exhaled. "…need…drink."

He frowned. "I'm not getting it for you."

"Right! Right, I'm the servant. I should go." I turned to leave—

"Wait."

I turned to Inuyasha just as he lifted my chin and gave me a very quick, very chaste peck on the cheek.

"You had something on you cheek," he said, and then left.

I stood there. And nearly fainted.

"Ka…gome?"

I whirled around and breathed a sigh of relief when it turned out to be Kohaku, Sango's little brother. He was dependable. "Kohaku, please promise you saw nothing."

He stared. "Uh…I don't think that's possible."

I felt my stomach drop. "Why?"

He pointed at something behind me.

I turned. Behind me two servant boys were spying on me with their friend Mr. Telescope from the servants' quarters.

My life was officially over.


	5. The ESCAPE

The ESCAPE 

"What did you do?"

Her words were monotone yet cold and calculating. Honestly, Kaede was growing up to be the next Kikyou.

I vehemently shook my head. "Nothing! **HE** kissed **ME**. I just stood there!"

Souta sighed. "Everyone's saying you planned on stealing Kikyou's courtiers!"

"But—"

"Even the King's beginning to suspect something!"

"I—"

"Kikyou's asking for you too."

I grimaced. "You guys have to hide me. Please? PLEASE!"

Kaede and Souta looked at each other and sighed. Kaede spoke first. "You can stay in my room. I'll tell the servants to stay out for a couple of days. Maybe weeks. You can hide in Souta's if they become suspicious."

Souta nodded. "You might as well. I hear they're planning on "accidentally" destroying your cot."

I paled. "What would I do without you guys?"

"Curl up and die." They said in unison.

Good grief.

--

Souta was right.

The next day there was a commotion. I woke up inside the walk-in closet of Kaede's room and she told me someone had set my cot on fire. Some of the spare clothing had also gone missing and the majority of the servants were saying I had run away, even if they were the ones who stole my garments.

Kaede called for room service, claiming she'd taken ill, and slipped me some waffles and cereal. Souta came in to give me some books to read.

The most intense moment of that day was when Kikyou came to visit Kaede in her room.

"Are you feeling any better?"

"Oh yes." Kaede said in a low voice. "Just a soar throat."

I shifted uncomfortably in the closet, listening through the door. They talked a little bit and I began to lose interest…until—

"You were always close to Kagome, weren't you?"

A pause. "Of course, sister. She's family."

"Do you know where she's gone, then?" Oh jeez, she thought I went AWOL too.

"I have no idea, sister. I fear she must've been distraught after her cot was lit on fire."

"How do you know she wasn't the one who started the fire?" Are you kidding me?

"I trust her, sister. I know her better than the servants."

Kikyou didn't say anything for a long time. "You're just a child…" And then I heard her leave, closing the door behind her ever so quietly.

--

I must've fallen asleep in the closet while reading Jane Eyre. I heard someone knock and I woke up screaming something about baboons…you would NOT believe how ironic that would turn out to be.

"I got really, really, REALLY bad news." Souta said in a rush, looking really red and mad.

I had no idea what could possibly make him this upset. Until Kaede walked in, looking unbelievably pale and blue. What she said next made me nearly faint.

"Naraku came in and told everyone he was courting you."

_**"WHAT!"**_ I yelled, forgetting that I was supposedly MIA.

"He said he's been secretly courting you since he met Kikyou."

Oh. My. Feaking. LORD! This isn't happening… he's making me sound like a home wrecker!

"I tried to denounce him, but…" Souta clenched his fist. "He told me I was a kid. I don't—can't—know about love. Hitomi, you know, Akitoki Hojo's sister, tried to help. Still…"

"Prince Inuyasha stormed out." Kaede added. "Only Kouga and Akitoki believe in your innocence at the moment."

"That's…nice…" Things keep getting better and better.

"However," Kaede continued. "Sister Kikyou went to comfort Inuyasha."

I stared.

"She said they were both tricked. They talked for a long time…"

I stared.

"Kagome," Souta said quietly. "It worked. They like each other."

"…you're telling me that my downfall…brought them together?" Somehow I wasn't enjoying my success.

"Yeah." Souta was feeling what I was feeling.

"You have to leave." Kaede said. "It's too dangerous to stay here. The King can charge you for treason."

I looked at my hands. "But I have nowhere to go. I don't have any money either."

"Auntie Kaede can help." Souta said.

I blinked. "We have an aunt?"

"Great aunt," little Kaede corrected. "I was named after her and she named Kikyou. She's our godmother and most trusted priestess."

"A priestess?" Ooh-la-la.

"She'll take you in. I'll send her a letter beforehand by our carrier pigeon. She'll trust what we have to say." Souta said proudly.

"How long is the trip to her shrine?"

"Two days and two nights. We can give you a horse and some money for the trip but you'll probably have to camp out anyway."

I nodded. "Kaede, can I borrow your red cloak? I better hide my face as I leave."

She agreed. "I'll check the halls. When the coast is clear you can leave."

Believe me the three of us looked ridiculous sneaking around the halls the way we did, but it wasn't hard. Most of the servants were still attending the guests and no one was looking for the two kids.

"Take Dasher, he's the fastest and most obedient." Kaede said, handing me the reigns in the barn. "Hide the money underneath your cloak."

"I owe you guys so much."

"We know." They said in unison.

I got on the horse and patted Dasher's head. That's how I left quietly into the night, short red cloak and all, forcing myself not to look back as the horse trotted on, lest I become homesick at the sight of Kaede and Souta watching me disappear. I did, however, look up at the balcony where the notorious act took place.

For some unfathomable reason, the last thing I thought of as I left the grounds of the castle, my home, was…

_Inuyasha. _


	6. The MIKO

The MIKO

It's been over two years since I left the castle.

Those two days and two nights traveling alone were the most terrifying times of my life. Not even the thought of being led to the guillotine by the King himself could've scared me the way the journey fared.

The first day went swimmingly, although I got a cramp after riding Dasher for so long.

It was on the second day when things went awry… I came across a village that was in the process of being raided by bandits. Out of sheer luck my red cloak was spotted by the bandit leader and I rode away like hell was on me, because it was dammit! Dasher sprinted so fast he actually tripped over a corpse (eww…) but recovered…

I didn't…

"AARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!" I screamed as I flipped over. I caught the reigns but Dasher was more terrified than I was and kept going. For nearly two miles I was dragged by the reigns. Thankfully the bandit leader freaked out at the sight of a red figure riding away like a rodeo cowboy and screaming like a banshee, and left me alone quite quickly.

Auntie Kaede spotted me from the top of her shrine steps. I was muddy and wet and absolutely miserable. I was surprised how Kaede welcomed me in without another glance. She took Dasher and gave him hay while she provided me a hot bath. I was surprised a priestess had access to indoor plumbing but I didn't complain. I just relaxed and made sure not to drown in the most comfortable bath time I ever had.

It's been over two years since I left the castle.

I know…broken record…

I've been a Miko, or shrine maiden, for a year, since training took only a year…apparently I was a natural. Purity was in the blood. Although…I can't help but wish for a normal life; I mean, I have nothing against being kind, patient, pure, and strong…but priesthood is just not my thing. Although being a Miko is fundamentally different from being a priest or female priest—no such thing as "priestess" in Shinto, apparently. Female priest. Not priestess. But I ignore the details like everyone else.

Life was peaceful…quiet…full of chores…sometimes the daily routine was broken (yay!) when little Kaede or Souta would send one or two carrier pigeons. They'd update me on current events…apparently the word in court was I had ran away to become a Geisha.

…no comment…

When the search for me or my head stopped the messages nearly came daily. A girl from the white wolf clan came and confronted Kouga about their engagement, which he had no prior knowledge of. It was the scandal of the month and the hot topic at the court. Little Kaede then informed me Souta, my little brother and resident PLAYA, was getting pretty friendly with Hitomi Hojo… Akitoki Hojo was happy but still awaited my return.

Oy vey.

Little Kaede also expressed her interest in priesthood. I wrote her how my training went and she told me more and more as Souta less and less because of his unofficial courting.

_Inuyasha and Kikyou are engaged_, she once wrote during my first year of training.

My heart stopped for a millisecond. I don't know why. I struggled for words but I couldn't think of anything so I pretended I didn't read that and replied with little or no comment about those people. After all, the couple distrusted me the most—that's what brought them together in the first place.

The topic never came up. Until…

_The engagement is off…_

**_"WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?"_** I wrote back. Seriously, nothing but those capital letters made it on the letter.

_The two loved each other… _Little Kaede replied. _I'm sure they still love each other. But they didn't want to leave their respective estates. A compromise between the two Kingdoms is out of the question, it has always been this way, so the two chose to stay where they are now, honoring their respective Kingdoms with pride, dignity and love intact. _

…

The two broke up?

…they broke up.

They didn't want to leave their kingdom for the other. They loved—still love—each other but they couldn't, wouldn't, give up their throne… WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THEM?

It's LOVE, effing LOVE. Aren't you supposed to leave everything for the one you love? Aren't you supposed to cross Heaven and Hell for the one you're destined to be?

So I wrote back…

_ARE__ YOU TELLING ME I SACRIFICED MY REPUTATION FOR NOTHING? _

_Yes. _Little Kaede wrote pragmatically as she would speak in person.

I groaned. I sacrificed everything for nothing. FOR NOTHING! **NOTHING! **

I couldn't read anymore messages. I refused the carrier pigeons and sent them back without a reply. Soon Kaede got the message and stopped writing altogether. I fell into a state of despair. I was broken inside.

Ironically this made me a better Miko. I began to study everything and anything I could get my hands on—novels, scrolls, letters…

Wait, Auntie Kaede was getting letters?

Yes, she was. That little Kaede was sending letters to Auntie Kaede while I was in depressed zone. Clever, clever girl.

_Sister Kikyou banished Naraku…I hear he is not doing well on his exile. _

…so having Inuyasha court her taught her self-confidence. Nice. At least someone benefited from all this…someone that's NOT ME!

_However, I have learned that Kagura escaped, leaving much evidence to suggest that Naraku has committed unspeakable crimes against his own servants. _

…unspeakable crimes usually meant…assault…sexual assault…oh dear LORD. That sick bastard…he had done that to his own servants…including Kagura?

_I fear for his servants' lives. Last week we found the head of the pink-headed one in the woods. His name escapes me but I know he had a younger, diminutive brother who also once served Naraku and mysteriously died just as abruptly. Naraku is a broken and shamed man. He is vengeful—even our neglectful King has increased the number of guards for his offspring. Please send word to the Dog Clans. _

I blinked.

_Sister Kikyou is too proud to contact Prince Inuyasha, but I know she is worried about his wellbeing as much as she is worried about her siblings… _

_Siblings_… I smiled bitterly and folded the letter. All siblings excluding me, of course. And it seemed Kikyou still cared about Inuyasha…

For some reason my heart sank.

It's not like I had hoped I'd see him or—

GAH! I should NOT be thinking about him like THAT! He's a prince and I'm a fugitive MIKO!

…Fugitive Miko? Is that an oxymoron?

"Kagome."

I seized my jumbled thinking and turned to face Auntie Kaede. She was certainly old and weary with her daily rituals, but she was witty and wise enough to be a good company at mealtimes.

"I must go perform the yearly purification rituals on the grounds of…the castle." She shifted uncomfortably, knowing I didn't react very well whenever she mentioned my old home. "However, the borders of the lakeside villages need to be checked as well…if ye could do that in my stead…" If possible she looked even MORE uncomfortable.

She had the right to be.

"But those lake villages are near…the," I felt my throat close up but I continued, "Dog Clans' Kingdom."

Auntie Kaede sighed and gestured me to follow her to the shrine entrance. It was late so visitors were few, but some still came up and bowed to Kaede.

"Ye have been living here for well over two years, nearing three in one more season. Tell me, Kagome, how do ye like it here?" We sat down on a bench beneath a huge oak tree. It was soothing, to say the least. The breeze was nice.

"I like it here. It is…peaceful."

"Do ye not want to see thy family?"

I paused. "I can't."

"This is thy voluntary exile. Ye are allowed to return to thy home any day ye desire. Do not forget that, Kagome."

"I won't." I assured her.

Kaede nodded. "I have been thinking…it is time I put my wisdom before the court."

"Oh?" I was intrigued.

"I cannot let ye suffer for a misunderstanding."

My face went bright red. "Please don't—"

"Do not worry, child. I will not mention thy…residence. I will simply state that…having known ye since childhood—"

"I didn't even know **you** existed till Kaede told me."

"…" She stroked her chin. "The courts are filled with lies already. There is no need to adjust minor details." She smiled. "I will support your innocence and that will be that. If all goes well I will also offer my assistance in thy search."

"They gave up on me." I looked away. Don't you dare cry, Kagome. Don't you dare.

"On the contrary, I have heard many are still looking for ye. Sango and Kohaku often pass here during their off days, looking for a certain servant girl."

I nearly fell out of my seat. "They came here?"

"Never to the shrine, no. They pass by without stopping, but I'd often stop to talk to them. Sometimes I'd receive word of a Houshi from the Dog Clans' territory, also asking for a servant girl."

It must be that same Miroku from the party…either he was searching for Sango's sake or for Inuyasha's…

"I can never go back. The courts are filled with vicious lies about me. No amount of evidence will ever clear that up and…besides. My own family and friends didn't trust me in my time of need." I glared at the ground. "They'd rather listen to that filthy Naraku than believe in my innocence. Only you and two kids believed me without a single reasonable doubt clouding their judgment." That was the truth, the truth and the whole truth.

"I understand." She patted my shoulder. "But hiding is no way of living."

I nodded.

"Step outside the shrine. I believe the lakeside villages are quite safe, but the elders need an official approval to feel safe. Do not fear thy freedom, child."

Freedom. I nodded and smiled. "Right. Freedom."

"Don't worry too much," she coaxed. "Only a fool of a demon would attack such guarded villages."

She turned out to be oh so ironically right. (What the hell's wrong with you, Irony?)

--

The carriage came to fetch Auntie Kaede two days later. I left with Dasher before the carriage made it to the shrine.

Knowing Kaede would be away for at least two weeks, I took my time to get to the villages. Usually it was a three-day trip but I delayed for two days, pretty much spending the afternoons sightseeing. I wasn't planning on stepping out of the shrine again anytime soon, so I relished the new sceneries.

Once I got there I realized Kaede had misinformed me. The clusters of lakeside villages made up one huge town of markets and flourishing trade routes. There were even some demons here and there…

"Hello, hello, hello!" A ratty-looking official came and greeted me as soon as I stepped off Dasher. "We have been expecting you! Would you like some tea or our new shipment of Puerto Rican bread?"

I was used to these kinds of kiss-ups. "No thank you, sir. I would like to get started as possible."

"Ah! Good, good, diligent as you should be, please go on, go on."

So I got to work, taking my bow and arrows. I left Dasher with the official, making sure I took my money with me as well, and started walking around the ridiculously large town. I was soon jogging around out of boredom. Kaede was right. Only a desperate idiot would come here with intent to attack.

"Hi!"

I came to a screeching halt, a little surprised at the fact that someone had spoken to me on one of the deserted streets. I looked down. It was a small fox demon. My heart melted on sight. "Oh, hello."

"Have you seen a priest?"

I frowned. "No…should I have?"

"No, I guess not." He sighed. "I'm supposed to keep an eye on him because he's such a womanizer."

I paled. No, he couldn't have meant the same…what are the chances?

"He's supposed to be on a mission too. Anyway, since you're a Miko you should be careful. He might sneak up on—"

"Shippou!"

I stopped breathing. A familiar voice…

"Oh, Miroku!" Shippou jumped on my shoulder and greeted someone behind me. "I thought I lost you."

"I hope you're not bothering the Miko." He said in a friendly manner. "She is here for work, after all."

"So are we!" Shippou said indignantly and hopped off and presumably onto his shoulder. "We're on a mission too, if you didn't forget."

"How could I forget? I've been doing this for nearly three years!" His tone suddenly changed. "A little distraction always eases a troubled mind…"

Oh crap. He's totally eyeing my backside, I know it. Little Kaede once wrote that Sango may have a thing for him, even though he's a bit…touchy. Touchy.

Literally touchy.

He quickly grabbed my wrist and turned me around. "Would you do me the honor of…of…?" His eyes bulged. "KAGOME?" Shippou fell off his shoulder and landed with a dull thud. There was a barely audible, "That's HER?"

I pulled away and shouted, _"Leave me alone!"_ before dashing away with all the strength I could muster. Luckily my adrenaline was already high so I sped up faster than I could've imagined.

I zigzagged away and took a corner and went up a steep incline into the woods that surrounded the east side of the town. I heard quick footsteps. Dammit Miroku's fast. I suddenly had the bright idea to…

"STOP FOLLOWING ME!" I screeched and turned as I pulled out an arrow and aimed it at him with my bow.

Miroku quickly held his hands up. Shippou was a little slower and fell on his face.

"Don't say anything," I shakily said. "Turn around."

Miroku and Shippou did as told but Miroku spoke. "We've been looking all over for you."

"Be quiet." I whispered.

"We feared you might've fallen off a cliff or drowned in the white rapids…"

"Stop talking." I hissed.

"We're all very worried…especially Inuyasha and Kikyou—"

"SHUT UP!" I yelled. "I DON'T NEED TO HEAR ANYMORE LIES!" I seethed. I never realized how much I resented my situation. How much I truly resented how little trust so many people had, or lacked, in me… "Walk away. Count slowly, loudly, and turn once you get to ten. I'll…I'll let you talk once there's enough distance between us."

"One…" They started.

I was gone by the time they got to ten.

--

I got sick after that. I was so sick I couldn't go fetch for Dasher…I just wandered the town, scared. I basically endangered a priest and a demon by my brash actions today. I aimed my FREAKING ARROW at his head!

I threw a stone into the lake. The sun was setting now and I was alone by the lake. It was like a beach here. How quaint.

I was doomed. Miroku would contact Inuyasha. They'd follow my scent, even if it WAS once hidden by my Miko status (it's some virginity thing, don't ask), and then seek me out through thick and thin because they now knew I was alive. And armed. They'd ask where and how I'd gotten my new status and then Kaede would get in trouble.

The courts would mock her like the way they'd been mocking me for the past two years.

I couldn't let that happen to her.

I stood up.

"A Miko, of all things." A sneering, wretched voice answered me. This is NOT my day.

**"NARAKU!" **I pent up frustration suddenly erupted like an awakened volcano. I saw the baboon pelt drop on the ground and face that disgusting creature of a hanyou.

He leered. "Such a pure thing as a Miko, exiled in the same manner as I am."

"Don't you dare compare yourself to me." I spat out. "At least I have the decency to leave on my own terms."

His leer, however, did not change. In fact, something dastardly was forming…no, formulating in his disgusting mind. "A Miko…a pure thing. Something that cannot be touched. Something that cannot be defiled."

He was out of his mind. I took out my arrow and bow for the second time that day. "Leave and maybe I won't purify you."

His smile widened, crazily, hungrily. "Stay and I shall taint your soul!" In a blink of an eye he was over my head.

"AAAARRRGGHHH!" I randomly shot into the air. I have no idea if it hit its target but he was on top of me nevertheless. "Get off!"

"I shall defile you!" He was crazy. The banishment had made him insane.

Suddenly the thought of discovery by the court didn't seem so bad…

I stabbed him with the tip of my bow, concentrating and increasing my spiritual energy at the same time. It burnt my hands as well but I knew Naraku was hurting more. But Naraku was out of his mind, so he felt no pain. No fear.

I felt my kimono shirt rip and the ends of my hakama shred. He was trying to…oh hell no!

I screeched and yelled and cried as much profanity as humanly possible. I heard the bow crack under my grip and splinters fell on my face. His hands took the arrows off my back and they scattered away. Like my hope.

I grabbed his face, trying to suffocate or gouge his eyes out or something! I couldn't think straight, all of a sudden it felt like he had too many hands, so many, and then I felt cold air on my chest and I had no doubts about his intentions now.

_"__GET__ OFF, __GET__ OFF, __JUST__ DIE YOU DISGUSTING LOSER!" _I screamed. I tried to cover his face, I tried to kick him, knee him, but he was a hanyou…he was so heavy, too heavy, my arms were getting numb, he was enjoying this…

He kissed me. A crushing, bruising kiss. My first kiss. His hands grabbed my chest, fondling me, and he continued to kiss me, forcing my mouth open with his tongue and I couldn't move under him. I couldn't move, I couldn't move. His greasy hair was blinding me, suffocating me. "If I cannot have her," he hissed against my mouth. "I will have you."

Oh god…

Oh god…

His hand went under my hakama and—

**_"NARAKU!" _**

…suddenly there was air above me. My mouth was free, my chest was free, I wasn't violated…I covered my chest as best I could and I sat up and hunched over and crawled away. I looked up. Jeez, I'd been crying. When did I start crying? Oh jeez…

There was a splash. A heavy clash of metal and a hiss. A taunting hiss.

_"I'll come back for her. I always finish what I've started." _

**_"GO TO HELL!" _**

I'm just so numb right now…so cold…so bare…so filthy…

Silence. Desolate silence. Then hooves. Horses were coming. Maybe a carriage.

"Kagome…"

Two arms slowly, hesitantly wrapped around my shoulders. I shuddered and leaned away but he gently pulled. I fell on a chest. I shuddered again. But the strands of hair were silver this time.

"Kagome…"

Nearly three years of loneliness…

"It's OK Kagome…"

No. It's not. I shook my head. I was still crying. God, stop crying Kagome. Stop crying already. Stop!

"Just close your eyes."

I leaned back and saw his eyes. I closed my eyes.

"I'm here Kagome. I'm here."

…yeah.

You are.

Thanks Inuyasha.


	7. The HOUSEGUEST

The HOUSEGUEST

I woke up at night. I could see the moonlight through the window.

It was a nice room. Large and empty, lots of velvet and silk, red and purple, and so many materialistic things. Living as a Miko really taught you about living with the barest minimum…

"You scared the hell out of everyone."

I turned my head on the pillow, not really surprised to see her here.

"Kagome." She nodded. "Or shall I call you Lady Kagome?"

"Kagura," I said. "Cut the formalities. I'm not in the mood for your witty remarks…"

"I see you've matured."

"I see you've changed outfits. Red suits you." I rubbed my eyes and sat up. "Why are you here?"

"Because…it's a sanctuary." From Naraku, I bet.

"Is my horse here?"

She nodded nonchalantly. "Leaving so soon?"

"I'm not staying here." I said, my voice turning a little icy.

"He's still out there." She couldn't say Naraku's name.

"I know."

"You'd rather face him than the court." It was a statement, not a question. "Interesting choice…foolish choice."

"I'd rather face physical harassment than mental torture." I shrugged. That was when I noticed the many cuts and bruises on my arms. Jeez, I must look like I went through hell and back.

"Where will you go? Everyone's already figured out you were staying at Kaede's the past three years."

"I'll find another shrine. I'm a decent Miko."

She sighed, bored. "The carriages are on their way. Kirara and Sango came only minutes earlier. Your King is most anxious to see you."

"To punish me for treason, yeah." I said bitterly. "My only family is one aging priestess and two nosy prodigies."

"Time has made you quite…" she decided not to continue her statement. "Sometimes you have to forgive and forget people's mistakes."

"Ha!" I rolled my eyes. "Forgiveness…I knew someone was going to mention that. Forgiveness is a word thrown around too many times these days. And, my lord, coming from you of all people! I am NOT forgiving everyone for believing in Naraku while I was victimized! They set my effing cot on fire! They were trying to kill me just because of one ridiculous rumor. No. Forgiveness is out of the question."

I had forgotten Kagura's famous temper. As she seethed she hissed, "Don't give me that BS. I went through worse when I was under HIS service. You're just lucky you weren't defiled by his fingers and your shining knight-in-armor came when he did."

I puckered my lips and exhaled slowly. "Naraku is a bastard, I'll agree, but Inuyasha is no knight-in-armor. What kind of prince gets his confidence shattered by a freakish lie from Naraku?"

"Naraku didn't just lie, he forged letters and everything."

"What?" Kaede or Souta hadn't mentioned that.

"They were love letters with your names on it. They had your scent and everything…but Kanna finally told me the truth last year. I left that evidence behind, among other things, for the officials to discover…"

"…" I was speechless, to say the least. Now I knew why Kaede and Souta were the only ones who believed me—they were the people I spent the most time with. They knew I never wrote letters; they probably didn't tell me about the forged letters because they knew I'd be even more upset. Smart, smart kids. Too smart. Oh, Auntie Kaede…she believed us because she was wise. Period.

"I believe you have a visitor."

I squeaked as Kagura left through the balcony, a gust of wind cleverly pulling the doors closed before my visitor opened the room door.

Lucky for me, it was only Shippou.

"Dinnertime!" He chirped, balancing a tray atop his small head.

I smiled and relaxed. Good to have someone who didn't know the details…

"Oden and Udon. I got the green tea here and the utensils…here's the napkin!"

I ate quietly. Shippou had the good idea to turn on the TV while I did so—someone must've told him not to ask me anything, because he caught himself every time he turned his head to observe me.

After I finished he took the tray and quickly said, "The shower's the second door on the right. There's a fresh pair of pajamas…I put in extra soap!" He smiled and left without another word.

Extra soap?

…oh. Oh. Now I get it. Everyone was being sensitive because Naraku… I'd nearly forgotten about that incident. No wonder they were giving me my space. This wouldn't have happened if Naraku hadn't attacked me…no, everyone would've been interrogating me by now.

Weird. The attack hadn't affected me that much…actually, I was more terrified of seeing everyone more than confronting Naraku again. Still, I appreciated the extra soap. I took a nice long bath and fell asleep watching TV.

--

Auntie Kaede came in that afternoon with lunch.

"How are ye, child?" I could see the bags under he eyes.

"Fine." I said truthfully. "How's Dasher?"

"He's being feisty. It seems he's fallen in love with a horse named Daisy."

I snickered. "Good times."

I ate quietly and she turned on the TV. Halfway through my meal, which was hard to swallow when I was hiding my laughter, I slowly asked how everyone was doing. It was painfully obvious that they were being VERY cautious around me; they had a routine and everything!

"They are anxious…but glad ye are…unhurt. Most thought ye were dead."

"I hope you didn't get in trouble." I've been worried about that.

"No, no…there are few who would punish an old priestess. They are annoyed I did not tell them ye were alive all this time, but they are glad nonetheless."

"I'm not going back to the castle, Kaede. I want you to understand that."

"I know, Kagome."

"I like being a Miko. I realize I need more training, but…I'm happy. And…now that I'm not on the run anymore…"

"But there is still the matter of Naraku…"

Ah crap.

"Thy safety is in jeopardy so long as ye choose to stay a Miko and train with me."

"…do I have to stay here?" I repeat: ah crap.

"Until Naraku is captured, it seems."

I sighed. There was no chance of escaping unnoticed, then. Oh well, no need to fret. Might as well patch things up while I'm here. "So, am I getting room service again or will I have dinner with everyone else?"

--

I decided to be devilish and sit down in the Dining Hall with Kaede before anyone else came in. It would've been more awkward if I had been fashionably late like Cinderella. I swung my legs for a while and talked with Kaede about my training when someone unfamiliar came in.

She had red hair with an iris strapped to one of her pigtails. Her jade green eyes flashed when she saw me, probably recognizing me from all the rumors, but she decided to give me my distance…which was beginning to get really annoying.

Then they came in. First Akitoki Hojo and a girl I didn't recognized with black wavy hair, a little girl who must've been Hitomi Hojo, Kouga who nearly fainted when he saw me and hesitantly sat beside the girl who now I realized must be Ayame, and then Sango and Miroku, the two sort of stared at me for a second before remembering the protocol, Shippou who waved when he saw me and I waved back to, innocent Kohaku, and Kagura of all people strolled in…then the drums literally rolled when the following came in and we all had to stand up…

My old King, Kikyou, little Kaede and Souta, the Dog King, his Queen, the first crowned prince, the little servant girl, and then Inuyasha…

Boy was it awkward. Everyone was trying not to stare but I knew they were dying to ask me a million questions. Especially because I was wearing my Miko outfit. Priceless.

Some started murmuring when dinner was served, but no one was having a good conversation around me… maybe because I had to sit beside Kagura and Kikyou. And Inuyasha was sitting on the other side of Kikyou. Unbelievable. I didn't know if I wanted to cry or laugh.

"So Kagura," I started loudly, making little Kaede drop her fork beside Auntie Kaede. "How's Kanna?" I was being _too_ happy.

"…she's fine. She left for the north." She said, ignoring my perkiness. "There's an advantage to being a void demon."

"Right, right." I sipped my soup. "So, Auntie, when's my next archery lesson?" I realized even my old King was listening to me. Hilarious.

"Not this week," she said casually. "There will be a downpour."

"Oh." I was genuinely disappointed. Archery was one of the few hobbies I ever had.

"How is archery?"

This time I nearly fell off my seat. Kikyou was talking. KIKYOU. And she never feigned interest. When she asked questions she was interested. (That's how I knew she was interested in Inuyasha three years ago, when I was still a servant…)

"It's…rewarding. After all the training and patience…it's really rewarding." I said stupidly. It's been way too long since I talked to her.

"I see."

Luckily dinner ended soon after.

"I better get studying." I chirped and left with Kaede to the library.

I heard Ayame whisper to Kouga, "She's trying so hard to act happy," as I walked past her.

You have no idea, girly-girl.

--

"I'm not getting this." I groaned and balanced a scroll on the bridge of my nose.

"A purification spell is advanced…perhaps we should start on the sealing charm."

"Kagome?"

I turned…and found little Kaede and Souta lingering by the library doorway. For a while I just watched them. Then I smiled and nodded.

As soon as I did they gave the most horrible sound I'd ever heard and rushed to my side, nearly knocking me out of my chair, and wailed my name again and again in relief.

"I was so worried!" Souta cried.

"Don't ever do that again!" Kaede sobbed.

"I thought you died!"

"You're lucky to be alive!"

"I hate you!"

"How could you!"

I let them vent for a while until my shirt was soaked through with their tears. Auntie Kaede gathered them up and led them to their bedrooms. It took a lot of coaxing but they finally left me alone. I decided to stay in the library and read for a while longer…hours must have passed.

"Kagome."

I turned and saw Inuyasha beside me, avoiding my eyes and looking at the scroll I was studying.

I sniffed. "…how are you?"

"Good." He began studying the bandages on my arms. Something dark flashed in his eyes.

"It's getting late." I was hinting he should leave. Very soon. Like now. Right now.

"Yeah." He wasn't going to leave.

I stood up. "Well, time for me to hit the dusty trail…" He hugged me.

He hugged me…

…he HUGGED ME?

"I'm so sorry." He whispered in my ear.

"What?" I was breathless. I don't know why, I just was!

He let go but kept me at arm's length, acting as if I'd disappear if he let go. "Naraku…before Kikyou banished him I confronted him. I told him I'd make him pay if he ever tried to touch Kikyou. He said if he couldn't have her…he'd have…"

"Me." I nodded.

"I didn't take him seriously. I mean, you were gone. We lost your scent so long ago…I should've taken him seriously."

I looked at him for a long time. Maybe he expected me to get angry or get teary. I did none of that. I just looked at him and said as seriously as possible, "This is not your fault."

He didn't say anything.

"Don't blame yourself for **HIS** actions."

He still looked horrible.

I sighed. "I don't blame you…_Inuyasha_."

Maybe that was what he wanted to hear. Or maybe he wanted me to say his name all along. Whatever it was, it worked. He hugged me with all the fiber of his being and didn't let go for a long, long time. He smothered his face in my hair and inhaled my scent, memorizing it. He missed me.

But did I miss him?

"Kagome…" He whispered and tightened his hold on me. He rubbed my back, tracing one finger down my spine. "Kagome…"

Did I miss him?

…I…I…

I closed my eyes.

Maybe, just this once, I'll let him be.


	8. The FIGHT

The FIGHT

"Midoriko?"

Wise old Kaede nodded. "She was perhaps the most famous Miko during her time. Her spiritual power was so great she could purify ten demons with one finger alone."

I whistled (which I learned to do during my three years absence…yes, I feel accomplished).

"In her last battle as a warrior Miko she combined her pure soul with a manifestation of hundreds of demons to create a crystallized form…because her soul was perfectly balanced by the four characteristics of purity, this act created the Shikon no Tama, which was said to grant any wish a powerful being made."

"What happened to it?" My interest peeked.

"It was purified by Midoriko's descendants. Midoriko apparently had an unnamed little sister who vowed to put her sister's soul to peace."

"Oh." Go figure. All the interesting treasures were always discovered before the heroine stepped in—the heroine being ME.

"What would ye have wished for?"

That was an unexpected question. "What? Ah…wow." I blinked. Growing up my birthday wishes were always realistic…I always wished for good meals, good clothes, and overall a happy life. But if I had found the jewel first… "I guess…I'd start over."

She nodded understandably.

Yes. I wouldn't have been born related to royalty. I would've been born as a peasant or a schoolgirl…anything but royalty.

…god is my life messed up.

--

I was walking down the hall when I heard a dull thud.

"Grope me again and I swear I'll knock your head loose!"

I peeked through the space between the door and doorframe and I saw Ayame stomp into another adjoining room, leaving an unconscious Miroku on the floor, grabbing at imaginary stars. Sighing, I walked in.

I heard him mutter "Pretty, pretty stars, oh so bright…" before he saw me. "'Ello poppy, 'ow arr yu?"

I stared then shook my head. "Mr.…err, Houshi…"

"Please, call me Miroku, poppy." He was still out of it.

"My name is Kagome, Miroku."

He blinked. "Eh? Oh, OH!" He quickly sat up and sheepishly rubbed his head. "How are you Lady Kagome?"

"Just Kagome." I shrugged. "Busy sparring with females again?"

"Of course, of course."

I inwardly rolled my eyes. "I…have a proposition for you, Miroku."

He perked up. "Proposition, you say." Pervert.

"I know there are soldiers out there, hunting parties, looking for Naraku. However, he's too sneaky…but if I go out there I'll provoke him. He'll come after me without thinking."

He stared. "Are you saying…you are willing to be the bait?"

"Yes, but I'll be fine as long as we have a plan…" Because we all know how well my last plan went. Shut up!

He looked apologetic. "I'm afraid I cannot allow you to put yourself in such a danger…especially not after—"

"I'll put in a good word for you to Sango."

"Deal."

Mu wha ha ha ha ha.

--

"Why do you want to do it?"

I looked up from my lunch. The Dining Hall was empty besides me and Miroku because we were having our meal late, and he'd dismissed the servants specifically for our private conversation. "What?"

"Why do you want to be the bait?"

"So we can get rid of Naraku more quickly."

"So you can leave more quickly."

I bit my tongue. He's too smart.

He sighed. "I suppose castle life can become hectic. However, there are many here who care about your wellbeing."

"I prefer being a Miko."

"Is it because your King chose not to publicly excuse you?"

Damn his high IQ.

"He had a good reason not to. He has a reputation to keep, and admitting his error will severely affect his people's confidence."

"That's why I want to leave. Hell with reputations and status."

"Such a wicked tongue," he grinned. "Me likey."

I flicked a meatball at him.

"Hey."

I tossed some more meatballs.

"Kagome—"

I gave a wicked grin. "I'll toss as many as you've groped!"

"That would take days."

I grabbed a handful of mashed potato and flung it at him. He ducked but a part of it stuck to his forehead. "Beware my boredom Miroku. I care no more for reputation or status; do you believe me now?"

Miroku suddenly got an equally wicked grin. "But Lady Kagome, neither do I!"

"Wha—" A handful of pudding splattered on my face. The red substance dripped down my chin. It was war.

Oh, Miroku. _BRING_. **IT**. **_ON!_**

I gave a war cry and flung the contents of my tray at him. Miroku did the same and dropped his staff to take cover with his seat. I made for the kitchen as he picked his chair up to use as a shield.

"YOU SHALL NOT WIN!"

"I SHALL CONQUER ALL!" I hollered from the kitchen. Luckily the chefs were gone as well and I managed to discover the hidden goldmine.

**_LASAGNA! _**

"I WILL BE VICTORIOUS!" I cried and brought in the pot of mildly warm lasagna. Miroku's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. "FEAR MY MIGHTY ARSENAL AND TREMBLE BEFORE ME!"

He stood still. "NEVER! I SHALL FACE DOOM FOR MY PEOPLE! BEAR MY CHILDREN!"

I have no idea where that came from. But I flung some lasagna anyway. I really needed this ridiculousness…I was…happy. For the first time in such a long, long time…

**SPLAT**

Miroku had found the cache of ice creams. Oh for the love of—

"DEATH TO GREEN TEA ICE CREAM!"

"DEATH TO IMPORTED LASAGNA!"

It was on.

I ducked, flicked, swerved, hopped, flipped and tiptoed my way to the other side of the Dining Hall, attacking and defending just as Miroku was doing.

Suddenly, covered in red and green, we realized we were out of our respective arsenal. We eyed each other warily…then in unison dashed to the kitchen.

Except the floor was REALLY slippery. So slippery for a while I just slid to the kitchen in comfort, whistling and skating and all that, until I realized I couldn't stop and Miroku was right ahead of me and—

**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HA HA HO HO ****AND**** A TIMBEEEEEEEEERRRR!" **

I fell on top of Miroku and he sort of did an elegant pirouette before falling on his rear and I landed on his lap.

Of all the time someone could've come in, it had to be then.

Laughing, Miroku and I looked up when a shadow fell overhead.

"What the hell's going on?" Inuyasha growled in fury. He was so mad I was nearly scared. For a millisecond. I ignored him and pointed an accusing finger at Miroku with my green ice cream-covered finger.

"He challenged me to a FOOD DUEL!"

He responded by licking my finger.

"EWW! GROSS!" I yelled and shoved my ice-cream covered hand onto his face.

"AH! MY EYES!" He cried in agony. "TOO MUCH GREEN TEA!"

"STOP IT!" Inuyasha yelled, more disturbed than ever. He roughly picked me up and tried to wipe some of the melting ice cream from my face. I responded by hugging him.

Except there was a hidden advantage to my hug.

"GARRRGH!" Inuyasha backed away and looked down at his now cold, green royal outfit. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?"

"VICTORY FOR THE PEOPLE OF LASAGNA!" I cried triumphantly.

"What's—" Sango and Ayame came in and froze at the sight of three people covered in red and green. I turned…and chucked some meatballs at them.

"Stop it!" Sango said, blocking them with her forearm. Ayame leapt away but slipped on the ice cream-coated floor and fell on her knees. "EWW!"

"EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!" I gave my battle cry. "ARMY OF ONE, ARMY OF ONE!"

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" Inuyasha grabbed my shoulders but only slipped on the floor. Miroku had gotten up and decided to fetch more deadly weapons. I chased him down and fought for the jar of honey.

By the time the two of us were in the Dining Hall again Kouga, Akitoki and a girl I now knew as Ayumi, Hitomi, Rin the servant girl, Kohaku, Souta and Kaede had come in, looking at the mess in confusion. I exchanged a malicious look with Miroku and suddenly we were running at them with full speed. Then we slipped…

It was like a bowling ball hitting a stack of very colorful pins…with a bucket full of chicken noodle soup.

"MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!"

I have no idea how things came out after that because I sort of fell unconscious on top of Souta for a few minutes…but when I finally came to, Kouga was on a table flinging meatballs at everyone, Ayame was crying murder and chucking puddings, Sango was having a soup duel with Akitoki and Ayumi, the kids were having a field day with the ice cream, Miroku was throwing sprinkles everywhere for some bizarre reason, and Inuyasha…

"GOTCHA!" He pounced on me and suddenly I was beneath him on the floor.

"I SHALL NEVER ADMIT DEFEAT!" I said and gave him a lasagna handprint on his face. He coughed but didn't budge.

"BUT…" he suddenly lowered his voice suggestively. "You will cry uncle."

"NEVER!"

"Then will you cry out my name?"

I stared.

…OH.

NO.

HE.

DIDN'T.

I blushed crimson red and gawked at him for the longest time.

He suddenly lowered his body so his weight was on me, supporting himself with his hands on either side of me. He grinded his chest and hip against me and I just went redder and redder…maybe this wouldn't be so uncomfortable if we weren't COVERED HEAD TO TOE IN FOOD!

"I hope I'm not interrupting."

I squeaked and sat up when I heard that familiar voice. I forced Inuyasha aside and realized Kagura hadn't seen us because we were under a table. She was, however, assessing the Dining Hall. Hilariously, Kouga kept shooting meatballs until Ayame smacked him with some chocolate pudding. All was quiet until Kagura said, "Announcing the King and Queen."

…crap.

The said King and Queen of the Dog Clan came in and stared. And stared.

And stared.

Queen Izayoi, Inuyasha's mom, spoke first. "You…are all dismissed. To the showers."

We all stood up and skedaddled out of there. But before I went up the stairs Inuyasha grabbed my shoulder.

"You smell good in green tea." He licked my cheek. "Taste good in it too." He then whispered in my ear, "The offer still stands, you know, about crying my name anytime you want."

He left.

I nearly fainted in embarrassment.


	9. The QUESTION

AN: Oh my god! I have free time! I can write again!

…not really, but you get my drift.

And yes, there is TV and no cars. People ride on horses yet they watch TV…mind you, the TV isn't in colors and hi-def hasn't been invented just yet, but a ridiculously large black and white TV nonetheless.

Why? Who knows. Perhaps the existence of demons halted the productions of automobiles since they have efficient dragons and unicorn…Pegasus hybrids? I'd prefer renting griffins. WOOT!

The QUESTION

It's been a good week since the…food incident.

And I was suspicious.

People were acting way too nice. They were giving me too much space. By now I would've expected numerous inquiries, sabotages to my room (remember the cot-flame incident), and envious servant tie-dying my wardrobe. Then I found myself in the halls of the servants' quarters one day, when I was looking for Shippou on some cooking tips… Mind you, the chef's protégé, as he called himself, knew how to make some mean tiramisu.

"…and he's madly in love."

I froze, backtracked a bit, and peeked into a room where two maids were putting on some rubber gloves.

"Yes, some of the ladies from his court wanted access to her room. Obviously he wouldn't allow that."

"Obviously," the older and taller of the two sniffed. "She may be related to royalty, but Prince Inu's gone a bit too far, I think." Prince Inu, apparently, was Inuyasha's nickname amongst the maids and butlers of his court. Cute.

"He was never this protective of Princess Kikyou."

"Of course. The Princess never allowed anyone to protect her. That's the difference. He likes his women…vulnerable."

…VULNERABLE?

"He's doing everything to keep her in the castle."

By now I knew they were talking about me. So "Prince Inu" was the one who made sure none of the Ladies had access to my room. Sweet, but annoying. Dammit, I am not vulnerable. C'mon, I ran away and managed to hide from the castle folk for nearly three years. That deserves SOME credit!

Right?

…right?

…

I need time to think.

-

"Miro-Miro!" I called out to the perverted priest. Hey, I needed a friend to talk to.

"Hell Miss Miko," he smiled after I lightly patted his shoulder. We were past first name bases and onto nickname bases. Nice, huh?

"Old buddy, old pal, when are we going into action, if you know what I mean?" I was referring to the whole "capture Naraku so I can get the bleeeeeeep out of here" action.

His eyes twinkled. "You mean–"

"No, I mean baboon. Not bed."

He looked disappointed. "Oh…well, the King's already approved the plan, so—"

Wait, what? "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what King? What plan? There's a plan? Which King knows?"

He blinked. "Inuyasha didn't tell you? I thought you told him. He's the one who brought it up to Kikyou's father."

…Inuyasha? He…oh. HELL. NO. He must've been eavesdropping when I was telling Miroku…before the food fight…and then he told…he's been overprotective AGAIN? "Why Kikyou's dad—I mean my liege? Whatever, why him, why tell that guy?"

"Don't know, he requested the King's audience and the King approved. End of story."

"But…" by now I was hysteric, "what part of SECRET escape plan don't you understand?"

"Like I said, I thought you told Inuyasha about it."

…

I need time to think.

-

I sat down in the Roman garden. Thinking. No good, my thoughts were haywire.

Inuyasha…liked me. Obviously.

But…was he really In Love? I mean, he's a pretty fickle guy. Irrational sometimes. Then again love isn't rational. It's probably the most irrational emotion in the world. We can't base love on the pros and cons of the person, we just…love someone. For all the faults they have, we just…

But did I like Inuyasha? Did I love him? Love's too strong of a word to use.

Besides, I wanted to get away from the courts. Too many conspiracies, too many cover-ups, and too many social etiquettes…being royalty isn't fun, and being related to royalty and not being royalty was worse. All those variations of Cinderella stories…had she really been happy after marrying the prince and then becoming the princess? Sounds like taking on more work than it's worth. I mean, there are so many more real-life stories of peasants becoming princesses and literally going crazy after the people of the court hounded her, bullied her, hired people to assault her…

I shuddered. No way am I becoming royalty. No way am I marrying into royalty. There. That's rational thinking.

Speaking of rational thinking…

"Yo."

I whirled around and Kagura dropped down from the tree. "Hey, hey, what's up wind witch?" My decision to remain a strong, non-vulnerable single woman had made me quite chipper.

Kagura frowned, puzzled and disturbed, but nodded anyways. "Fine…thanks."

"Heard you had a little argument with Sesshomaru."

She glared at the mention of his name. "That son of a—"

"Bravo! On making him speak for more than twenty seconds, I mean!" I interjected, keeping it PG-13 for the kiddies.

She sighed. "Whatever. Miko, I came to tell you…something important."

"…yes?"

"Your little bait-plan won't work on him."

"…come again?" Just HOW MANY people knew about the plan? It's supposed to be secret. SECRET.

"Kanna tried it last week. She died yesterday."

I stared. WHAT? WHAT? Kanna's…WHAT? "No…no way. She's a void demon, she can't be…"

"That's his specialty. Killing. Whether it'd be through disease, infestation…Naraku would kill the immortals if he thought it would be beneficial…to him."

But…but…Kanna?

"There's only one way to draw out Naraku."

Huh? She looked deadly serious…

-

HUH?

I stared as Kagura left on her giant feather, too stunned to wave goodbye. I still couldn't believe what I'd heard. I couldn't believe I'd agreed either. I can't believe…oh man, I just agreed to piss off a lot of people…if they ever figured it out. Oh man, oh man…Kagura's words are still ringing in my ears…

_"Remember the locale Kaede sent you to examine before you were discovered? Turns out it's a hideout for raiders…we could use that to our advantage."_

Kagura REALLY thought this through…

_"It'll be all real, so there's no need to fake it."_

I was not looking forward to that.

"Hey."

"YEAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" I snapped around and nearly slapped Sango.

"Jeez, take it easy," Sango said, adjusting the strap on her back. "Just because I have a giant boomerang made from demon bones strapped to my back doesn't mean you should scream in fear."

I couldn't tell if she was joking.

"Anyway, I'm supposed to be accompanying you while you finish your work back in town. We'll be leaving tomorrow, by the way," She smiled. "They say we've got a tip this time. We'll lure him out for sure."

No one knew. Even Sango had been deceived. This was the secret plan I had been longing for. Oh, I can feel the guilt…so much guilt…it's killing me!

Sango said something, I didn't really hear her but she laughed, so I laughed and looked up holding my forehead, wishing I could be by myself and cry. Then I saw bright amber, almost molten gold. Inuyasha was looking down from his balcony with a serene smile, because he was looking at the vulnerable maiden, trapped in HIS garden. HIS.

Inu…I'm so sorry I'm going to break your heart.


	10. The END…eh?

I confess. I'm not the type to take care of myself. What brings me joy is seeing others happy. I've always been like that.

That's why I never peeped when my little brother joined royalty and I became a mere servant.

It's a fault, I know.

Growing up, I stayed out of everyone's way. I smiled back when someone glared at me. And everyone glared at me back then. Even my King…no, he's not MY king anymore. No more. I'm sick of ensuring everyone's happiness. I'm sick of thinking of others before thinking of myself. I'm sick of my plans backfiring on me. I'm sick of being the matchmaker. I'm sick of being the nice girl. It's time to break all ties. It's time to break all bonds.

So…

I'm sorry.

I want to be selfish. I _need_ to be selfish.

This is why I'm doing this. This is why I'm going through with this stupid plan.

So…

Goodbye, and good riddance.

**So NOT A Fairytale**

The END…eh?

I was falling.

This was it.

_"KAGOME!"_

I should've known he would be shadowing us. Stupid Inuyasha. If he hadn't come he wouldn't have to see _this_.

**_THUD. _**Ugh. Great. I was supposed to go unconscious before I landed. So much for that.

So this is how it feels to lie in one's pool of blood. Freaky.

_"HIRAIKOTSU!"_

Good ole Sango, always swinging that boomerang like she owned the place. God, I feel horrible for making her think I'm…oh, here he comes again.

Ow.

Oh.

**ARGH.**

Ladies and gentleman, getting stabbed through the abdomen is not a nice feeling.

**_"DIE, KIKYOU!"_**

I inwardly smirked. Getting assassinated sucks. But getting assassinated for mistaken identity epically sucked worse.

I can't make out anything anymore. Everything…blurry. Except someone…cradling my head. Oh…Inuyasha.

"No, don't do this to me," he whispers…"Come on, don't close your eyes." Was he—was he crying?

Oh…what hurt worse—the guilt or the two, now three, stab wounds? OK, stab wounds won by…a margin, but the tears falling on my bloody cheeks…

Can't see…

_"Kagome…"_

Whispers…in the dark… "I-Inu…"

_"Kagome…"_

"I-I'm…"

_"No…"_

"Guh…g-bye."

_"KAGOME!"_

* * *

_The Daily DragonSPEAK_

_Headline: Mourning for Family_

_Yesterday, an unspeakable tragedy occurred. On the soil of the ever protective Dog Clan, blood pooled on the steps of the national treasury. A lone man, the very one recently identified as the leader of the attack on a foreign dignitary from the western mountains, murdered an individual whom he believed to be Princess Kikyou Higurashi. The victim died after three stabs to the chest and abdomen. After a chase through the streets and across a dozen roofs, the murderer was summarily executed by the guards. But the victim wasn't the Princess._

_It was the personal servant of the royal children, the once banished and exiled Kagome Higurashi, sister to the King's one and only son._

_She was a servant born out of wedlock, related to royalty and shunned by the peasants. But who was she really?_

_When Kagome was publicly condemned three years ago the citizens believed the worst—had she plotted something against the royal family? Surely someone so painfully close to the royal bloodline yet so impossibly far from a royal title would hold a grudge against His Majesty. From word of mouth, she seemed to be the epitome of the dastardly traitor. Maids and butlers loathed her, ordinary townspeople cast her aside, and rumors of her numerous flings with servants and lords alike thrived._

_But once her body was taken away, the blood cleaned off the ground, and the kingdom fell into mourning, her character was finally revealed._

_A caring servant. A dedicated friend. A strong sister. She was forced to give up her surname at birth and sacrificed her happiness before death. Her name was blackened by the exiled Naraku, her life was scrutinized by an unsympathetic public, and she met death by mistaken identity. Yet, as some witnesses claim, she died smiling._

_Why? Why smile when she saw so much and yet owned nothing? Had she yearned for death? Had she sought peace by eternal slumber? No. The same witnesses also saw her surrounded by many mourners. Many who shed tears and many who cried her name; those few who knew her true character. They saw her smile for the last time, comforted by the knowledge that she was loved, before she spoke for the last time—"Bye." An almost apologetic farewell left her lips and the world lost one of the most mysterious figures in history. After leading a tumultuous life, having certainly faced violent confrontations during her childhood, Kagome Higurashi, a true Higurashi, smiled._

_Let us bid farewell to the tragic figure, who never achieved happiness until the very end. Let us smile and hope we can be as content when we meet our end, for that is the fate of all, no matter how blessed one's bloodline may be._

_Goodbye, Kagome Higurashi, and goodnight._

_Note: Public mourning will last for seven nights. Citizens must take an oath of silence before the funeral of Kagome Higurashi._

* * *

She dropped the newspaper with a sigh. "What rubbish. They talk as if a general died in his sleep."

"Kagura." A disapproving voice said from behind the closed door.

She rolled her red eyes. "Well they **are** making this more depressing than it ought to be. They were cruel before her death. Why make nice as soon as she's about to be six feet underground? Rubbish. Absolute rubbish."

The door opened and Sesshomaru appeared, dressed all in black. "Change," he ordered. "The funeral will be in an hour."

She turned and eyed him. "How is—"

"The coma's ended." He barely batted an eyelash.

Kagura shrugged. "So it was in the vault—"

"Yes."

She scowled. "No need to be so testy. I'll go change."

And the two left the room hidden behind the bookshelves, tucked well beneath the dungeons, down the stone staircase that should not exist in an unguarded inn.

And when they heard someone knock on a set of oak doors, right next to the room they had exited, they knew the plan had worked.

But it wasn't the end just yet.

* * *

**AN:** Confused? GOOD! Kind of know what happened? BETTER!

Scenes that were deleted from the story? AWESOME!

* * *

**Chapter One: The PLAN**

_Kagome reads her dialogue:_

She needed a prince.

FAST!

And voila! I found the King's list.

…and another sort of list. My eyes bulged. The Big Black Book of Bitches I Ever Banged—

_Director: _CUT! Dammit Inuyasha!

Inuyasha quickly raises his hands in defense, backing into a corner as the furious trio of Kikyou, Kagome, and Sango approaches. "Not mine, not mine! It was his!" He points to the offender.

_Everyone: _SESSHOMARU?

Sesshomaru nonchalantly flips his hair with an arrogant smirk. "Well what else do you think I do in my free time, other than maintain my perfect silver mane?"

Kagura sticks her tongue out in disgust but then looks away, ashamed. "His silver mane did all the seducing, I can tell you that."

_Everyone again: _WHAT?

**Chapter Two: The STALKER**

_"Is there a problem, miss?"_ A very loud, demanding voice boomed.

We both froze and paled, not realizing we had an audience. I stepped aside and Naraku turned around so we both saw the expensive carriage parked on the private street, the deserted street exclusive to traveling royalty. I quietly smacked my forehead.

A silver head popped out of the window. "Miss?"

Naraku suddenly takes out a sawed-off shotgun, a semiautomatic, and a machinegun and aims at the carriage. "It's a drive-by-shooting, BIOTCH!"

Everyone stares with mouths agape as Naraku showers the carriage with bullets. Once he runs out of ammo he drops his weapons and takes out a bazooka. "What's that sweetness? You want more? Oh, I'll give you more."

Inuyasha miraculously hops out of the ruined and smoking carriage wearing an old fashioned business suit and hat and a cigar in his mouth. "Huh, sneaking up on a man in his carriage, eh?" He says with a heavy Chicagoan accent.

"Sweetness wants to give him another belly button? That could be arranged."

"It's a duel then, see," Inuyasha spits out his cigar and takes out a massive chain gun with the words "BONE LICKER" scrawled on it. "SHOW ME THE MONEY!"

_Director: _**ENOUGH! **

**Chapter Three: The PARTY**

"She always had a thing for gorgeous Sesshomaru," Inuyasha commented idly before taking the glass out of my hands without so much as asking. "You actually got apple juice. I'm impressed."

"We have every kind of refreshments in the world. You name it, we got it." I said, like an advertisement.

"Do you have white wine?" He asked, leaning back on the table and smirking. He actually set his cup down without even taking a sip…oh wait. It's half empty.

Inuyasha hiccups and looks up, looking very flushed. Kagome backs away, scared. "Inu…yasha?"

"Ya know," he says, his words slurred. "Yah rook…reel sex-eh…ye…" He then jumps her and throws her over his shoulder.

_"Aiyeee!"_ Kagome shrieks. "INUYASHA! Put me down this instance!"

"Not…till…bed…" He grins goofily and speeds to his bedroom, with Kagome screaming, _"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK!"_

Miroku scratches his head. "Maybe I put too much rum in the apple juice."

_Director: _Wait, why didn't she stop…oh. Oh well.

Kikyou's chair has a "Bathroom Break" on it. No one bothers to contact her.

**Chapter Four: The PROBLEM**

I went over to the balcony…and lo and behold, HE was there. No, not who you were thinking.

"Oh…you." I growled. "What are you doing here?"

Naraku sneered. "I may not have gotten an invitation but Kanna has."

"There's a reason why we invited your underlings and not you."

"Aren't you supposed to use my title, little girl?"

Little GIRL? "Oh, let me guess, your title as in ugly-squirrel-sucking-white-baboon-as—"

Suddenly Naraku takes out…mace? Kagome backs away. Until he hiccups. Then she pales and runs away. Naraku screams, in a familiar slurred manner, "GHET YAR BUTT BACK HEERE!" He chases Kagome, yelling obscene, sexual things along the way, like spanking and whipping and using honey and such and such.

_Director: _Alright Miroku, gimme the rum. And stop Inuyasha from castrating Naraku, he has a no-castration clause on his contract. Plus it's against our policy…and such.

**Chapter Five: The ESCAPE**

"I owe you guys so much."

"We know." They said in unison.

I got on the horse and patted Dasher's head. That's how I left quietly into the night, short red cloak and all, forcing myself not to look back as the horse trotted on, lest I become homesick at the sight of Kaede and Souta watching me disappear. I did, however, look up at the balcony where the notorious act took place.

For some unfathomable reason, the last thing I thought of as I left the grounds of the castle, my home, was…

Kagome blinks. "Wait…"

_Director: _Hmm?

"This isn't a horse," Kagome squints at the animal she's sitting on. "Dasher's a—"

Someone clears his throat and everyone turns around. A jolly old fellow with a large white beard and a huge belly points at the "horse." "Do you mind?"

Sweat drops all around.


	11. The DREAM

**AN:** I got some emails asking me why I ended the story on a sad note.

-sigh-

People. Read my bio.

Check if the story has a "Completed" status.

Read between the lines.

Because I specifically ended the last chapter with a "This isn't the end just yet." Even the effing chapter was titled "The END…eh?"

Honestly people. It's a HUMOR fic.

-

The DREAM

I was falling for a long time. Stars and teacups and bunnies were falling beside me. My red shoes clicked and suddenly I was in Kansas—

Wait, what?

I shot up from my bed and lurched off the king-sized bed. There were lamps of all colors and shapes everywhere in the room, hanging from the ceiling, sitting on top of bookshelves, resting on the floor, dangling off of closet doors and shelves, and a teacup-shaped lamp wrapped around the bedpost.

"OK…" weird. I turned to the charcoal black door. I tiptoed to the door and knocked once, twice, and—

"About time," Kagura swung the door open, nearly slamming the cold stone wall and the lamps. "The funeral's happening in about an hour."

"So," I started, realizing my throat was really dry and sore. "It really happened. It wasn't…and this isn't…wow." I looked down, realizing I was still in the blood-stained clothes I had died in. "Oh gross, I'm still covered in blood."

"Yeah, it wasn't easy switching your body with a fake. We didn't have time to change your clothes and had to stuff you in a wine barrel. I think your neck snapped."

I quickly grabbed my neck. "Oh for heaven's sake! Thanks a lot!"

"What? You were already dead!" Kagura scoffed. "You were gonna be revived anyway."

I slowly nodded, still holding my neck. "So, then, Sesshomaru got his inheritance?"

"Yup. Right from the treasury where you died. Because of all the commotion the guards didn't even notice him opening the vault. It was ridiculously easy, or at least easier than replacing your corpse. I swear the funeral director nearly caught on until we stuffed a pig's heart down the fake's throat."

A sword that revives people. Who knew?—wait, wait, "A pig's heart? Why a pig's heart?"

"Short notice. That was the only thing we had available."

Gross…

"C'mon, dress in black and tape these on," she gave me…Eucalyptus leaves? "These will hide your scent."

Whatever you say. "You sure…_he'll_ be there?"

"Oh yeah," Kagura smirked. "Naraku won't get enough of this. He'll be laughing like a madman when he sees your casket being lowered, and THEN we'll strike."

Whoop, but not who I was talking about.

I was talking about Inuyasha.

-

I couldn't believe how many people had come to mourn. I mean, I was…being missed. Wow.

"I" was being buried in a private funeral, but outside the graveyard there was a HUGE crowd of people dressed in black, some even crying though I can't fathom why. Everything's so surreal…oh, little Kaede's tearing up. Guilt, guilt, guilt…

Next to me Kagura fidgeted, hating the black veil as much as I did. I know the two of us had to hide our faces, especially since we were part of the group of mourners outside the gates of the graveyard, but boy did they get in the way. Especially when you had to sneeze. Yuck.

We watched the procession of royalty following my casket. They were out in the distance, but Kagura made sure to tell me the play-by-play.

"Souta tripped," she snickered.

…she's such a good mourner.

"Sango's leaning on Miroku for support."

Guilt.

"Ayumi's wailing like a banshee."

Guilt…wait, I didn't even know that girl!

"That Shippou kid's using Kouga's tail as a hanky…"

Gu-wait. That's not even…

"Finally, they've stopped. Seems like they're having technical difficulties…I think the casket's damaged. There's a crack on the bottom."

"Oh for," I hissed, trying not to draw attention. "My funeral sucks."

"Amen," Kagura smirked. "Oh, they're moving again."

It took several more minutes for the procession to finally reach my tombstone. "Kagura, what does my tombstone say?"

"Beloved sister, supporter, servant."

I stared. "They put _servant _on my tombstone?"

She rolled her eyes behind her veil. "I was kidding. They put _friend_."

"Better."

"Now one of them is talking…Sesshomaru is signaling everyone to sit down. This will take a while," she whispered. She wasn't kidding. Half an hour later my legs were shaking because, for one it was cold, plus I was wearing a black skirt. Should've worn black stockings.

They **finally **started lowering my casket. Finally. I began humming the funeral song. The housewife next to me gawked and glared at me.

Kagura nudged me. "Idiot, that tune's for weddings."

Oops. I sheepishly scratched the back of my head. Well, you can't blame me for being so nonchalant about all this. I mean, watching my own funeral? Weird. It still felt like a dream to me. How could it not? I did die, but I was brought back to life, and…and…people still thought I was dead but I was watching my own funeral—

Then, as expected, since he's lost his marbles and couldn't be anymore original than the next guy…

_"SHE'S DEAD! SHE'S DEAD! THE SLUT'S FINALLY DEAD!"_

I whirled around and saw the said madman dressed in garbs. Patches of strange outfits stitched together to make up one disheveled Naraku, dancing about like a childish idiot. About time he got here. This was the point of my funeral, after all. HIS capture. MY ticket to freedom.

Kagura reacted first, breaking her oath of silence. "GUARDS! IT'S NARAKU!" To make a commotion she flicked a fan from under her sleeve and pushed a whirlwind to the direction of an oak tree, toppling the graveyard gates and shredding some dirt and grass in the process. I pointedly cleared my throat and she sheepishly shrugged with a, "Oh well." Everyone was scattering about, some forgetting to stay quiet and screaming. Others, the older civilians, just stood there and watched in silence.

The guards quickly came. Naraku wasn't even bothering to escape. I suppose he thought he'd already won, with my death and all. Strange—his defeat didn't seem so satisfying anymore.

A flash of black and white caught me off guard and Inuyasha was suddenly standing before me, his back towards me as he pointed one clawed finger at Naraku. He didn't say anything. He was determined not to break his oath of silence.

Aww…how sweet.

Guilt.

Guards came. I covered my veiled eyes with my hands. There was a sound of someone's limbs being torn apart. Gross, gross, gross.

Kagura's red eyes flashed and she sneered at the man being dragged away. "Good riddance," she whispered and turned away, disappearing into the sky. She had no obligations here, not anymore. She was free.

**_I_** was free.

Yet…

I peered through my black veil at the silver-headed, dog-eared man before me. He really didn't know I was behind him. I could just tap his shoulder and we would be reunited. I could just whisper his name and he would recognize my voice. I could just…just…

He turned to the steel gates, or what was left of it, and slowly walked back to my grave. His shoulders were slumped, his posture that of a wounded soldier's.

I sighed and smiled sadly at the retreating figure.

Goodbye. Maybe someday, somehow, through some means, I'll see you all again. Kaede and Souta and Sango and Miroku and Kikyou and…somehow, someday.

Yeah, I'll find a way.

My smile got wider.

"Until then," I whispered into the wind. Inuyasha paused in his tracks. He shook his head and continued to the grave without turning around. Just a dream, right Inuyasha?

I turned around and left. After all, I had the world to see now.


	12. The CEREMONY

The CEREMONY

Can you say déjà vu?

I looked at the sundial. Any minute now the sun would cast a shadow from the style and signal the anniversary.

The anniversary of my death.

I sat in the market, next to the curry vendor, and watched the sundial. Luckily this was the South, so today was as unimportant as any other ordinary day. A couple of children rushed past the sundial, kicking a makeshift soccer ball patched up with different colored cloths. Two birds twittered as they flew by and into the cloudless sky.

Sure was peaceful.

"Newspaper, sir?"

I turned to the man offering the newspaper. I liked his beanie. Oh yeah, I was disguised as a guy. I cut my beautiful locks and everything. I've been wearing male clothing for two years, ever since I left. If I wore makeup I may look like a cute tomboy—"Yes, how much?"

"Three shillings."

I pulled out the now familiar currency from my pocket and took the paper. Headline—South meets West? I held back the urge to laugh out loud. Another arranged marriage, eh Inu?

For the past two years there have been approximately twenty attempts at matchmaking Inuyasha with princesses from all over the world. Ever since the new trading route had been established everyone was scrambling to make ties with the Dog Clan. Since Sesshomaru was the first heir to the throne and would most likely outlive Inuyasha by three or two centuries the younger brother was seen as less "untouchable" by lesser houses; meaning easy pickings. They sent the poor half-demon riches and plenty of girls for those lonely nights. But I always knew…their matchmaking attempts were futile.

I should know.

I looked at the sundial. Any second now.

I flipped a page. Little Kaede and older Kaede established a new shrine near the Western mountains. Good for them!

Three…

Those two wolves were engaged. FINALLY!

Two…

Akitoki Hojo became a father? Whoa.

One…

Kikyou was seen with a traveling doctor. Ooh-la-la. That's so fitting.

I eyed the sundial. Happy anniversary. I smiled sadly and stood up. I left the newspaper on the bench and quietly walked off to who knows where. I was a constant traveler, an adventurer without a plan with neither cause nor goal. A wandering Miko, though technically I was stripped of the title as soon as I died.

…I'm hungry. I hear they have great pancakes here…or was I thinking of pound cakes? Hmm…

--

When I saw the two-headed dragon I was more exasperated than surprised. I had been expecting Sesshomaru to send Ah-Un after me, but jeez. Two years? He could've at least sent a card or some sort of greetings beforehand. I walked up the deserted path and waved.

"'Ello ol' chap," I said cheerfully as I patted both of the dragon's heads. "What news do ye two bring today?"

One of the heads opened his mouth and out came a rolled up scroll.

I picked it up off the ground and unrolled the parchment. An invitation to Sesshomaru's upcoming coronation? The hell? His dad's still alive, so he can't be—oh, a PRACTICE coronation. Cute. Those royal folks always make things more outlandish and extravagant than it ought to be. But why invite a supposedly dead servant?

Unless…

I've been traveling for two years. I had spent the better part of the last five years traveling and hiding. The first three years, as you all remember, was due to a misunderstanding that led to my cot being burnt down. The last two…well, I was dead, remember?

Yes, in those five years, during the few months I hadn't been reclusive, I had somehow fallen in love with dog ears.

I met him when I was 15. Now I was 20 and counting.

It's been five long years.

It was about time I dropped a line.

I saddled up on top of Ah-Un and said, "Mush."

--

Like I said, those royalties always make things more outlandish and extravagant than it ought to be. The Great Hall was decorated in white linen and candles adorned the walls and ceiling. Snowflake-like diamonds hung from ceremonial mats and seats. Dozens would be sitting along the red carpet that would lead Sesshomaru from the throne room to the stone table in the Great Hall. Two small fountains were gushing clear water beside the said table.

I was dressed in a white robe and lying on top of the huge slab of stone. As Sesshomaru was about to pull a white sheet over my face I quickly asked, "This isn't a sacrifice, **right**?"

He shot me a hard look. "It's a simple practice. I pull out Tenseiga, and on cue you sit up. Nothing more."

I closed my eyes as he pulled the sheet over my head. Underneath the cover I grumbled, "So you needed an experienced actor to play dead."

"Of course," I heard him say. "You were killed and then revived by this heirloom."

I rolled my eyes. I hadn't been able to catch a glimpse of anyone since I arrived. Ah-Un had taken a discreet course and led me through a secret tunnel to Sesshomaru's personal tower. That was how he "convinced" me to play the part, since I couldn't leave unless he told Ah-Un to do so, lest I be caught by the guards.

"How long do I have to stay like this?" I couldn't really breathe through the silk sheet.

"Two hours."

…THE FRICKEN HELL?

--

Do you know how many epiphanies you can have in two hours? Five.

One—I could've punched out those bullies called servants when I had the chance. I had been the personal servant of the royal children, the only thing my temper tantrum would've ruined would've been my reputation. I shouldn't have just sit back and let them call me those things.

Two—Now that I think about it, I looked awfully fat in my old green and white servant outfit.

Three—My life **_had_** royally sucked before I ran away.

Four—I hate royalties. I always have. I just denied it for the longest time.

Five—I don't know when I fell in love with Inuyasha, but those years on the run made me realize I liked him. A LOT. Why else would he be the one visiting me in my dreams, the face I would see when I became nostalgic, and the reason I would loudly sigh during those cold nights.

The doors to the Great Hall swung open with a loud swoosh. FINALLY! It's beginning. Trumpet players blew on their instrument and I heard murmurs and footsteps filling the Hall. I couldn't help it, I was excited. The trumpets and the flags being waved around made it so grand and fun.

"ENTERING," someone announced so loudly the murmurs immediately stopped and I nearly fell off the stone slab. I prayed no one noticed the fake corpse jolt under the sheet. "THE FIRST HEIR TO THE THRONE."

Footsteps. Somewhere a little girl hissed, "Go Sesshomaru-sama!" and another voice chided her and ordered her to be quiet. Cute.

I quietly hummed a tune. That wedding tune again. Good times.

"ARISE!" This time I'm sure someone noticed the fake corpse move. "PULL OUT YOUR HEIRLOOM." The voice boomed.

There was a SHLINK and I could see the shadow of the sword above my white sheet. The sword that once revived me was just inches from my nose.

"THY PURITY SHALL CLEANSE, THY BLOOD SHALL REVIVE, AND THY TITLE SHALL CALL FORTH THE SOULS OF THE DEAD. SPEAK ITS NAME."

That was the cue. Sesshomaru quietly said, "Tenseiga," and swung his sword.

I sat up and let the sheet fall off the table.

There was a collective gasp. I opened my eyes in confusion. Sesshomaru had told me everyone would be blindfolded.

"Kagome." Sesshomaru's voice was quiet but clear. Anyone with a demonic hearing would've heard him.

I snapped around in shock and fear. Had he betrayed me? I looked at the audience. People WERE blindfolded, but not everyone. Twelve or sixteen people, trusted members of Sesshomaru's court, were staring at me. Then, I knew.

Sooner or later someone would've figured out I was alive. Sesshomaru just beat them to the punch.

I had been "revived." Here. In this ceremony. Just now.

A hesitant smile crept up. I looked down at the silver headed man, a little older and as handsome as when I last saw him, and nodded.

"Hi Inuyasha."

--

**AN: **Next chapter is the last chapter—The FINALE!


	13. The FINALE!

The FINALE

I was whisked away as soon as his name left my lips.

I was so out of it I didn't realize I was being dragged out of the room until his face disappeared behind two stone doors. I turned my head to realize the people dragging me away were none other than Miroku and Sango, both wearing ceremonial white robes and blindfolded with paper-thin silk.

"You guys," I whispered, shock evident in my wavering voice.

Sango shushed me as she and Miroku turned another corner. "You're confused, I know. Just stay with us until it's clear."

I shrugged. I guess they all thought my shock was brought on by being revived after two years, not because Sesshomaru TRICKED ME. Hey, I bet Sesshomaru planned this part too—me being dazed by my sudden revival.

Ooh, that sneaky bastard…

"Here, put this on," Sango handed me a brown package and shoved me into an open room. When Miroku tried to follow Sango smacked him upside the head and pulled him out with a huff. Miroku just laughed and waved as the two left me alone.

I realize now some things never EVER change.

--

I examined my new Miko outfit. I was so busy admiring my reflection in the full-length mirror I nearly missed the quiet knock on the door. "Come in," I said without a backward glance, thinking Sango had come back to check up on me. "Thanks for the clothes, by the way."

"No problem," a rough voice answered. "But I didn't pick your attire."

My eyes bulged as I stared at his reflection in the mirror. He was leaning on the doorframe with the same cocky smirk he always wore when he knew he had what he wanted. As I stayed silent I watched his facial expression abruptly change to that of incredible…urgency? With two strides his arms were wrapped around my waist and his nose buried in the crook of my shoulder.

"If you ever…" he inhaled. "If you ever leave me—"

"You'll kill me?" I joked.

He bit me.

"AIYEEEEE!" I shrieked and wrenched away from his grasp. I grabbed the part of my shoulder he had bitten and I turned on him, shocked and bemused. He had a playful grin dancing on his lips. I examined my shoulder. I was bleeding but the fang marks were barely visible—in fact I looked like I had received two paper cuts, nothing more. "What was THAT for?"

"Making sure you know who you belong to," he nonchalantly answered. "That's all."

"W-what," I said. "Is this some kind of d-demon custom—"

"No," was his curt reply. "I just felt like it."

I stared. I must've stared for a long time because Inuyasha yawned, or pretended to, and said as he turned around, "Well, time to leave, you know, things to do, people to see—"

I tackled him like a mad she-bear and started strangling him.

Yup, nothing ever changes.

--

To say it was a tear-filled reunion would be an understatement. After Inuyasha's little visit I was being (re)greeted by everyone for the rest of the day. The wise old Kaede came in first to welcome me back—she had been in on the whole thing with Sesshomaru, apparently—and told me there were throngs of people waiting to bear-hug me.

I got my game-face on and got ready for the hugs. Bring it on!

"KAAAAAAGGOOOOOMMEEEEEE!" Kaede and Souta, much, MUCH taller than I remembered them, lunged at me simultaneously.

I think my back broke.

Five years definitely changed the kids the most. Souta and Kaede were teenagers with personal advisers and admirers at their heels, and Rin and Kohaku were learning to track and hunt as professional trackers. Ayame and Kouga couldn't make it that day but I got a message through their delivery wolves. Hojo, that ever thoughtful dolt, sent me a foot massager just in case I still had rigor mortis. I'm not sure if he was being funny.

When I thought I had met everyone I needed to I got a surprise from the chimney…because a scroll quite literally flew out of my fireplace and slammed into my forehead. I grudgingly unrolled the scroll and read the letter addressed to moi, sincerely sent from…

Kikyou.

I held back the tears as I read the most heartfelt yet guarded letter I had ever read. We never met in person, not after my revival, in fear of getting caught. His Highness was never informed of my revival, he had never been, in Inuyasha's words, "an important part of my screwed up life," and I was content with that. Kikyou and I exchanged letters and only letters for the rest of our lives, content with our ties yet satisfied without seeing each other. Weird? Yeah, but that's just how we like it.

Inuyasha's parents simply greeted me and went on their merry way. Did anything ever faze those two?

After two weeks being cooped up in my secret room Sango, Ayame, who had just arrived for a vacation from her "male-dominated" family, and I took a walk around the castle grounds. It was Spring, the season of rebirth, and Sakura petals were scattering from the branches and gathering on the tracks around the lake.

"I heard you were thinking about leaving," Sango said, breaking the peaceful silence as we walked around the lake for the second time. "Are you leaving for Kaede's shrine?"

"You know me," I smiled. "I'm a constant traveler. I have a serious case of wanderlust."

"Remember to disguise yourself," Ayame reminded me. "And visit the shrine Kaede's running in the mountains, it's close to my grandfather's—hey!"

Ayame pointed to two figures nearby the lake. I squinted and I recognized the form of Miroku and Inuyasha. Except Miroku was on one knee and holding something out for Inuyasha…and he was loudly calling Inuyasha Sango…

The three of us gaped. Then Ayame started giggling…and then in a domino effect I started chortling like the crazed idiot that I was. Things HAVE changed if Miroku and Sango had gotten that close. I looked up from the fetal position I had taken on the ground to calm my uncontrollable laughter and peered at Sango, who was red-faced and embarrassed as she caught eyes with Miroku, who was pretty much flabbergasted at being caught practicing…with Inuyasha no less!

I screamed as Inuyasha roared at Kouga, who was snoring on top of a tree, about not keeping guard during their little skit. I laughed even harder when Ayame went to kick him out of the tree and Sango practically rammed Miroku for embarrassing her and the two toppled into the lake. I stopped laughing when Inuyasha grabbed me by the wrist and threw me into the lake with that infuriating smirk of his.

I came out of the water seething and, making up my mind, roared, "MORTAL KOMBAT!" I then grabbed Inuyasha's ankles and pulled him into the water with the strength of eight tigresses and three unfed dragons. He keeled over after losing his balance and fell into the water. Ayame, being Ayame, said "what the heck" and threw Kouga into the water and jumped in after everyone.

Soon it was a war between the guys and the gals.

"FEEL MY WRATH!" Someone shouted as they splashed someone.

"OH GOD MY EYES!" That was Miroku. Now I know who had screamed during the food fight.

Two arms snaked around my waist and pulled me away from the chaos. I wasn't scared. I had become used to his possessiveness long ago. I turned around and splashed some water on the wet mutt and smiled sweetly. "What's up?"

"Leaving so soon?"

I looked at the sky. "I like traveling. I like being free. I like being one anonymous Jane Doe in a Miko outfit who travels with her hair cut short."

"You can't be free of me," he growled and bit my earlobe.

"I get the idea!"

"Diplomatic reasons."

"What?"

"I'm leaving for the mountains for diplomatic reasons," he said and turned me around in his arms. The water was a little cold, mind you, so I was shivering. "Join me." It was an order, tentative but still an order.

"A wandering Miko flies solo," I teased. I had pretty much answered with my smile, though. Yes, yes, yes.

"Can a wandering Miko travel with a half-demon as husband and wife?"

I gawked. He had just…perhaps Miroku hadn't been the only one practicing. I smiled. I didn't say anything. But he knew my answer.

He dragged me down into the clear water and crashed his lips onto mine. The two of us stayed underwater for a long, long time. Until I had to breathe.

And so…everyone lived happily ever after?

HA! We'll make it more interesting than just a happily ever after, won't we, Inuyasha?

The FINALE!

--

AN: Shameless advertisement for my new upcoming story--

**Eye for an Eye: **Kagome's plan for revenge in an epic saga. Mu wha ha ha ha ha.


End file.
